Thursday, September 15, 2011

Pondering Time: Are you a True Friend?


Recently I have been reading this book called "How to win friends and influence people" by Dale Carnegie. I first heard about the book from my brother-in-law,Leighton, as I told him I was searching for some self-motivation/self-education books. At time I didn't pay too much attention to it because I was reading another self-motivation book. Then, I was talking to this close friend of mine, Doreen, who happened to read this book earlier and she once again recommended it to me. So I decided to rent it from the local library. Now that i'm reading it, I pay more attention to the way I treat/communicate with people and try to apply a few important keys that i've learnt into real life. I have to say reading this book doesn't necessary make me a better friend or enhance my social skills to deal with people because I'm still struggling dealing with some people around me who I would like to called "self-centred". But at least at this time (since I haven't finish the book yet), I can understand what makes two people or a few people becomes good or true friends for life!

Have you ever doubt yourself at some points of your life if you are a true friend? I know I have.

Years ago, a friend of mine was about to leave overseas for studying. Before she left she gave me this beautiful card with a friendship quote on it. It said: "Being a friend is easy when times are good or when you benefit from the relationship. But true friend sticks by your side even when things get tough. This is the kind of friend you desire. But to have one, this is also the kind of friend you must be. THE ONLY WAY TO HAVE A FRIEND IS TO BE ONE." Yes, no doubt this is a beautiful quote about friendship. And I am really grateful she chose this card for me because at the time I received this card, I was questioning myself: is she saying that i'm not being a friend that I should be by hinting me that I need to be one? Of course, I might read too much into it. However, I'm glad THAT kept me ponder and wonder (yes i'm still reminding myself til now) if I am a true friend to my friends and how can I be one if I'm not.

Funny how now that I am reading this book by Dale Carnegie learning how to be a better social person, I also tend to observe (secretly..hehe) how other people socialize. I met some new friends since I came back to Adelaide and surprisingly couple of them revealed to me they hardly have many friends they can call "good friends". So I did some behaviours/social skills observing to find out why. (I know, I know, I'm not psychologist or those smart people who analyzed personalities or bahaviours, but I'm those who like to dig deep and find out 'why it happens this way and not that way'. Okay I can sense some eye-rolling going on now. LOL.)

These are the main reasons I found with people who think they don't have many good/true friends :

1) They are not good at conversing or too shy to make the conversation first or afraid of awkwardness.

2) They are inconsistent. By this I mean not having a solid circle of friends. They may have a lot of friends but not 'good friends'.

3) They are not interested in other people's life or self-centred. So everything is about themselves and their lives. Care-less about others. Too prideful to go up to others first.

4) Insensitive and insincere - not a good listener or simply rude. Believe it or not, some people never let you finish what you want to say because back to 3) - they could't care much of what you want to say.

So there you go. Of course, these are only based on my observations so I believe there will be many other reasons out there.

I have to say in my 24 years of living, I am blessed with many good/close friends. I'm not talking about those hi-bye friend or only contact once in a blue moon. I'm talking about true friends that I could still maintain the friendship as I grow old. My secrets are simply 3Ls: Loyal, Love, Listen.
What are your secrets to make you a true friend? Have a think about it. =) xoxo

1 comment:

lyanne said...

Great points. Another contributing factor that I have observed is laziness. I mean, maintaining friendships takes work. Maintaining any relationship for that matter with anyone requires work. So sometimes, it's just easier to say.. "nah..I'll just call her another day..," and the next thing you know 10 years has passed!