Thursday, March 3, 2011

The three words...

I DON’T KNOW -- I have been saying these three words a lot lately. I think that is because I get a lot of questions like:

“When are you going back to Australia?”… “I don’t know.”

“When are they gonna let you know if your application is approved?”… “I don’t know.”

“Are you going to find a job while you’re waiting?”… “I don’t know.”

“What are you going to do now if you don’t get what you are waiting for?”… “I don’t know.”

“Do you wanna go back to Australia?”… “I don’t know.”

I kinda hate these three words now. They make me feel uncertain about my future and I don’t like this feeling.

I used to be a very organize person that drive people crazy because I always want to plan ahead. And if things don’t go the way I planned, I get upset and discourage. And I will try everything to make sure they turn out the way I want them to be, which sometimes make others unhappy. Then, I had have a few experiences that change my view of being overly plan and organized. These unexpected experiences make me realized that sometimes no matter how hard you try, things just doesn’t work out the way you want them to be. And yes, being too controlling and organized are exhausting. I learnt that I need to let go and accept it when things turn the other way. Life does need spontaneity in some ways and that will make life less stressful. However, I have taken this going-with-the –flow attitude to an extreme way that it seems like my life is all over the place. I stop planning; I stop being organized and stop taking control over my life. I just let it be.

I cannot let it be anymore. My life is a mess. I need my plans and my goals back! I’m working on them now. Don’t worry, I won’t take it to the extreme and become that overly-plan me again. I will make sure I do my very best to achieve my goals and the rest leave it to the Lord. I’ll let you guys know when my plans and goals brings me some good news. (My teacher used to tell me bad things come with three, I got two already, so maybe one left?)

I love this script from Black Swan: “Perfection is not always about control, sometimes it’s about letting go.”

1 comment:

sharon said...

You'll figure your life out soon. All of us experience something like this, especially after we graduated from college. I had my share of that and I am sure Leighton will face similar dilemma when the time comes for him to graduate. Just don;t lose sight of what is important and always try to achieve a balance in your life.